he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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