I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
