so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
