Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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