That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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