I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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