I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
