then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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