How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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