I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
