Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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