Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
