i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
