Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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