Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
