...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
