you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
