not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
