I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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