I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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