Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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