Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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