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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
