I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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