I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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