Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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