Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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