Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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