I am in a vortex of obligation.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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