I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
