I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
