summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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