Cold hands, warm shart.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
