She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
