i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
