I hope mine doesn't look like that
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
