Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
