You're so nebulous sometimes
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
