nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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