It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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