In the future we'll all be gay
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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