Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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