i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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