remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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