i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
