on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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