Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
