dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
