Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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