thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
