what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
