I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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