My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
40s are totally the cure
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
