If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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