i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
