new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
