can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
