I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize