I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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