Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
