You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
