I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
