Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
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I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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