Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
