This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
