I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
