i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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