I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
