I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
