dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
