I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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