I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
