how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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