the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
