i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize