dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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