Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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